Archive - the notworker

Precious Moppets' Ole Timey Lemonade Stand Pivots to AI

Dungaree-clad co-owners cite "a whole durn heap o' inflationary pressures" combined with "negative externalities squeezin' our profit margins to near…

Jul 3 • thenotworker

The Thursday Think Piece

Jul 2 • thenotworker

NewsScrap: Candy Conglomerate Spins Off Separate Chocolate and Peanut Butter Divisions, "Unlocking Yummy, Yummy Shareholder Value"

“You got your cash flow in my P/E ratio! You got your P/E ratio in my cash flow!”

Jul 1 • thenotworker

June 2026

Actual Job Posting - Aircraft Captain and Project Manager - Google

"AND Project Manager"? Show of hands: Who else wants their pilot to focus on piloting, not Gantt charts?

Jun 30 • thenotworker

"What Are Your Interests?" Interview Question Devolves Into Yankees/Red Sox Fistfight

"I got your references right here, chief!"

Jun 29 • thenotworker

Jun 26 • thenotworker

Luckless Job-Seeker Insists His Personal Brand Is “Batman”

Claims only obstacle to $850K annual salary is “my arch-nemesis, The Penguin”

Jun 24 • thenotworker

Actual Job Posting - PhantomStrike Capture Manager, Associate Director - RTX/Raytheon

Project's original working title: "Operation Basket of Kittens Drinking Chamomile Tea and Occasionally Raining Death From Above"

Jun 23 • thenotworker

Fathers Trudge Back To Soul-Shattering Rat Race Like Yesterday Never Happened

This one’s for the Papas. Be strong, gentlemen.

Jun 22 • thenotworker

May 2026

Petrochemical Giant’s Division of Social Irresponsibility Posts Record Quarter

Office celebrates with cupcakes, “Club-A-Baby-Seal” booth

May 7 • thenotworker

Resumé Wins Pulitzer Prize For Fiction

Graduate of Oxford, Culinary Institute of America, and Beauxbatons Academy of Magic wows committee.

May 4 • thenotworker

April 2026

Actual Job Posting - Sr. Director, Innovations-Rigids - Novolex

Director, Innovations-Flaccids is the stepping-stone to this role

Apr 29 • thenotworker

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