"What Are Your Interests?" Interview Question Devolves Into Yankees/Red Sox Fistfight
"I got your references right here, chief!"
GUILFORD, CT - An otherwise cordial final group interview at local yarn distributor Fleece In Our Time rapidly came to blows when top candidate Robert “Bobby” Rice revealed his lifelong Red Sox Nation membership to a panel senior executives led by Chief People Officer Aaron Mattingly, an unflinchingly loyal New York Yankees fan.
“Aaron always asks applicants to share a bit about their hobbies as his closing question,” noted an account associate who witnessed the fisticuffs. Shaking her head, she continued, “Rice could have answered with ANYTHING: anime, stamp collecting, golf, Luftwaffe memorabilia.” As he took photos of the devastated conference room for insurance purposes, an office manager added, “I’m just glad they got pulled apart before Aaron got his hands on the signed Thurman Munson bat he keeps in the corner. Otherwise, we’d be talking voluntary manslaughter instead of one negative review on Glassdoor.com.”
The meeting notes revealed where the interview took its violent turn:
Aaron Mattingly (AM): Well, I think we’re all very pleased with what we’ve heard here today, Bobby. Just one more question before we tie this up and put a bow on it.
Bobby Rice (BR): Of course. I can’t wait to start.
AM: We view our colleagues as more than just worker bees and want to get to know them a bit. So, would you mind sharing some of your interests?
BR: Sure! First of all, I’m a huge fan of the Boston Red Sox. Like, for decades.
AM: Huh … I find that surprising. … You seem so intelligent. Candidly, that doesn’t speak well about your judgment.
BR: What’s that supposed to mean? [sneezes “Jeter sucks”]
AM: I think we’re done here. [coughs “Bill Buckner”]
BR: Oh, like you thought you were done going into Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS? Yeah, Big Papi took care of that.
AM: Like Bucky Dent in ‘78 took care of you. And your mother.
The notes recorded that “Mr. Rice then leapt across the conference room table like a feral beast and rained punches down on Mr. Mattingly’s face and neck. Mr. Mattingly responded with ferocious haymakers to the midsection and kidneys. It is unlikely a job offer will be extended.”
In retrospect, both the company and the candidate missed red flags hiding in plain sight:
The hard copy of Rice’s resume contained a watermark depicting Red Sox icon Ted Williams urinating on Yankee Clipper Joe DiMaggio.
The firm’s online application form asked, “Do you prefer the Frank Sinatra or Liza Minelli version of ‘Theme from New York, New York’?” (NB: Only the Sinatra version was selectable.)
Rice should have taken the hint when Mattingly encouraged him to “Talk about corporate leaders who inspire you, like, say, Tim Cook, Sarah Blakely, or the Steinbrenner family.”
Finally, in response to the online application prompt to “Share a bad business decision you learned from,” other applicants replied with a brief paragraph about the Edsel, or New Coke, or Kodak not adopting to digital, or the AOL/Time Warner merger. Rice, however, wrote a vituperative, profanity-laced 9,000-word screed about “the f***ing boneheaded dumb-*sses in the Sox’s criminally f***ing stupid front office who traded generational f***ing player and MVP Mookie f***ing Betts to the god-d*** motherf****** Los Angeles f***ing Dodgers. F*** ME!”
Despite this traumatic incident, Fleece In Our Time management firmly believes the corporate culture will emerge better and stronger from the experience.
However, going forward, all interviewers will adhere to an innocuous, predetermined set of questions which focus on politics, religion, sex, and the Middle East.
Aaron Mattingly? Yo, this one was hysterical.
xo