Delivery Startup's "Running of the Turkeys" Promotion Ends In Disaster
IPO delayed indefinitely.
Recently launched take-out delivery app YummyTummyNOW’s “Running of the Turkeys” Thanksgiving week activation came to an abrupt and horrifying conclusion in the previously idyllic downtown of Serenity Notch, VT.
Preliminary reports indicate that proper permits were never obtained by the months-old start-up. As such, previously planned (and permitted) holiday events collided figuratively and literally in a blood-slathered hail of feathers, viscera, and ear-piercing gobbling that one witness described as “What the soundtrack in Hell must be.”
In a prepared statement, YummyTummyNOW’s Chief Communications Officer, Colton Flomax (age 22), admitted “Yeah, mistakes were made, I guess. Like, maybe we should have checked with someone before we uncrated, like, 300 wild turkeys in the middle of town. I just gotta say, that was all Brayden’s idea. Like when we did it that time at the frat. Admittedly, that was only one turkey. In our defense, who plans a friggin’ 5K Leaf-Peepin’ Trot AND a classic car parade AND a motorcycle derby all on the same day on Main Street?”
Replied longtime Town Supervisor and avid motorcycle enthusiast Charles “Chuck” Dynasty, “Don’t put this on us, pinhead. Long as I’ve been running this burg, we’ve had a nice and orderly Thanksgiving week. Now I’m gonna have to blow the 2026 town budget on grief counseling for all the families, not to mention a dozen of my brothers in the Lords of Chaos MC.”
As hazmat suit-clad sanitation crews undertook the grim task of removing the “Guernica”-like tableau of gizzards and wattles, one townsperson happily joined them. Wielding a snow shovel and a large burlap sack, local roadkill forager and raw protein chef Clem Abernathy gathered carcasses with glee as he mumbled, “Papa’s gonna have some good, good eatin’ this Turkey Day, yessir.”
Following a mourning period lasting into mid-December, the next Serenity Notch town hall meeting will review plans for the Chanukah “Running of the Suckling Pigs.”